Oktoberfest- Good Old-Fashioned German Fun?

22 Nov

Or an excuse to misbehave?

 

The bar where I work is located in a small town, and about a month ago, the town held its annual Oktoberfest celebration.  I always get excited when there are street fairs because it gives me something to do during the day before I work.  Also, everyone gets super festive and jolly.  And apparently out of control. I worked a double on that Sunday, which was the final day of the street fair.  By four p.m., people were already wasted and forgetting social norms and customs.  I got to see some pretty interesting stuff…

 

 A Lesbian makeout show:  A large group of 10+ came in.  Most everyone seemed normal, except for the TWIG of a girl with reverse vampire teeth (it looked like she was going to eat my soul in the middle of the night), and a gentleman with long amber waves of hair (his pride and joy, clearly).  An uneventful hour went by, and then I started to hear some commotion.  I look around and notice people have cellphone cameras out and appear to be filming something.  It turns out that there are two (and sometimes three) females engaging in a full on makeout session in the middle of the bar.  Every other patron in the bar was staring, mouths agape.  But every single person at the table accompanying the lesbians ignored what was going on and continues with their conversations as if nothing was happening.  Does this happen so frequently that the best/most polite course of action is to ignore it?  Well anyway, it went on for about an hour. They eventually stopped making out and were just necking.  I think their steamy little hormones tired them out, so necking was all they were capable of at that point.

 

Reverse Vampire teeth girl:  (see above).  Wearing not more than a postage stamp, Reverse Vampire was SKINNY. Like holy crap I want to sit on you and forcefeed you a cheeseburger with a side of lard.  As I was bussing tables, I heard some Regulars joke that she disappears when she turns sideways. Ha.  She had awkward teeth that looked exactly like reverse vampire teeth.  It was bizarre.  Her canines were waaaay smaller than the rest of her teeth.  Mix that with a severe underbite, and she looked something like this:

 

 

As I was taking the table’s order, a Regular leaned over in my ear and started whispering in a witch-cackle voice, “I’m going to eat your children with my pointy little teeth. Bewaaaare.  I’m coming for you.’ Hilarious.  It took every ounce of self control and sobriety not to burst out laughing.

 

Another Lesbian Makeout Show: so I have nothing against lesbians.  At all.  Let that be known.  So anyway, as I was starting on the second leg of working the double, I notice a group of women at the end of the bar dancing, laughing, having fun.  Awesome- we LOVE when we see people having a good time at our bar.  A few drinks later, the dancing becomes grinding.  And the grinding turns into staring lovingly into each others eyes.  And then this turns into kissing.  And then the kissing turns into a seated full on makeout session. These were different women than in the first show, mind you.  It was like time had stopped for these women, and they were alone in the world.  I have never seen a more passionate moment happen in the bar.  But that begs the question: do you really want the steamiest moments of your life to happen in public inside a dive bar?

 

75+ Year Old Man in Lederhosen:  yes, I understand that it is fun to dress up. Yes, I understand that Lederhosen is very appropriate to wear while celebrating Oktoberfest.  Yes, I understand that elderly people have earned the privilege and right to pretty much do whatever the fuck they want.  But GOOD GOD NO, I do not understand the appeal of short shorts that show so much upper thigh that I’m petified an old, dangly ballsack will drop out the bottom of die hosen to my frightened eyes. It was like this:

mixed with:

terrifying.

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