Overheard at the Bar

15 Oct

There’ve been a lot of great nuggets of hilarity that I’ve collected over the past few months.  Chances are if you’ve ever watched me at the bar, you’ll notice me scribbling furiously on my trusty notepad. 

Let’s take a poll, shall we?   Am I:

A) Writing down orders

B) Hand-totaling all of my sales for the night

C) Eavesdropping on your conversations and writing down the funny bits

D) Writing down my number to give to hot boys

E) All of the above?

Trick question HA! The answer actually varies by night and/or season.

Generally (and let’s be honest here), I’m spying on you.  On slow nights especially, observing patrons is the best part of the job and gets me through the nights.

And now for your reading pleasure, Overheard at the Bar:

“God, I feel like my colon is going to fall out.”

“You’re right, I AM a little like a rapist right now.”

“I watch SO much porn. Since I’m not getting laid, you know, I’m SUCH a masturbator.”

“I was falling from the stratosphere.  True story.  This was right before I got to ride the mammoth.”

“So that guy in the corner staring at us is creeping me out because he looks like Natalee Holloway’s murderer”

“She totally has a front-butt.”

“She likes to get drunk and try to stab people”

“That guy over there looks like Mr. Burns”

“I feel like a little squirrel.  I’m like ‘I want more nuts!’”

“I totally just got mouth raped…”

“He looks like a buff dwarf!”

“Well as you know, meth and porn go hand in hand.”

“Me and Sarah were gonna go home together to bang the whale, but she left.”

That’s all for now 🙂 More to come soon, my lovelies…

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