Stay Classy, Campbell: The Adventures of “Fingerbang”

25 Jan

I know I’m not the only one who has a hard time remembering names. My friends and I commonly come up with nicknames for people we meet associated with stories we tell and laugh about. I’ve dated guys with boring names: Dave, Mike, John. “Remember the time I went out with John?” Um, no. Who the hell is that? “Remember the time I went out with Hamburger Tongue?” Ah, yes. Much more of a mental trigger.

 

So anyway, let me tell you about “Fingerbang.”

 

Last week at the bar, there were a couple different groups of people standing next to the bar. In one group, a semi-shy but sweet guy was with a girl (perhaps on a date?) sitting on stools at the bar. A hot guy from another group sits down and starts taking interest in the girl. Throughout the course of the night, Hot Guy keeps trying to talk to her and get close to her. Through his wit and charm, he manages to get his hands on her. And when I say that, I mean he got his hands ON her. IN her. Up in her. In certain inappropriate orifices. WHAT WHAT, IN THE….

 

Moving on… I was not the only one who noticed, which is good (means I wasn’t just hallucinating). SHE EVEN NOTICED. AND DID NOTHING. Well, she did smile slyly at Hot Guy. She continued her candoodling with Shy Guy, all while enjoying the backdoor tickle.

 

WHAT. THE. FUCK.  Has social grace and modesty DIED?

 

Be on the lookout for Fingerbang. I’m wondering when she’ll strike next… Let me know if you catch a glimpse!

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